I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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