So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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