Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
