I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
