I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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