Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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