I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
