I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
