she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
