Kiss
Puke
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
