Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
