My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
