Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
