hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
