Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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