you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
