You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
