I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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