i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
