I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
