I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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