Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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