you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So squirting runs in the family.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
