garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
