well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
