I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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