He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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