the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
