I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
