A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
