i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
