I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
