worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
