I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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