I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
