saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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