i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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