At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
