I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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