Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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