i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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