Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
