I CAN MOONWALK!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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