and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
