omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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