remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
