i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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