I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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