It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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