worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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